Dear Straight People: I’m Sorry I Didn’t Believe In You, and I Promise To Do Better (Satire)

Hannah Spadafora
9 min readJun 3, 2021
Photo by Jiroe on Unsplash

Dear Straight People:

I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you, and I promise to do better. I’ve decided on this occasion of Atlanta’s LGBTQIA+ Pride festival weekend to pursue inner growth, and to share with readers today my solemn promise: going forward, I’m going to accept the existence of straight people.

You see — I’m sorry to confess this, but — I’ve always kind of walked around with the presumption that everyone was at least a little bit bisexual. It’s only natural, I thought. I grew up with ‘straight’ parents and other family members, but I always thought this must be situational — that my heterosexual family members must just not have been put in the right situation. In finding someone on the hetero-binary to spend their lives with, they took away their opportunity to explore their sexuality in other ways — so how would they know?? Clearly, they must have had something in their past experiences or childhoods that led their attraction to be focused in limited ways. Under this logic, being straight wasn’t them, it was just their behavior, which I was sure could be changed under the right conditions.

In the corner of personal-network evidence, I’ve met a number of people for whom I presumed a pattern existed that may apply to the general…

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Hannah Spadafora

Hannah Spadafora is a writer living in the Atlanta area with borrowed cats and underused degrees in anthropology, philosophy, and religious studies.